Know COBOL and need a job? Here's one for you!

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I actually took four quarters of COBOL in college. But I have zero desire to go to New Jersey.

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One of my favorite descriptions of the intricacies and differences in programming languages is here:
http://www.toodarkpark.org/computers/humor/shoot-self-in-foot.html
The entry for COBOL is:

COBOL

USEing a COLT.45 HANDGUN, AIM GUN at LEG.FOOT, THEN PLACE ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN RETURN HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether SHOELACE needs to be retied.

(alternatively)
Allocate $500,000 for the project. Define foot, bullet, gun. Run press_trigger. Go for coffee break. Return in time to put foot under bullet.
(alternatively)
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but the gun won’t fire unless it’s aligned in column 8.

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Seriously. I remember the big wide numbered column/rows pad I had to fill out in pencil, because if you got one column off then you had to erase everything and rewrite it. And this mapped to the input because you couldn’t edit a line—you had to retype it (just like in BASIC on an Apple II—a pet peeve of mine, since I was already used to line editing with a cursor from using a Commodore PET before the Apple).

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